I’ve lost my balance … ‘n I lately came to realize why:
I never stopped loving you that it aches so bad right now, ‘n this caused ‘n
still is causing me so much pain and despair …
I can’t function properly anymore…
I live everyday with the threat of my extinction due to this…
I was too desperate that I rushed into loving the very first guy that was there…. I wanted it all; I wanted success, I wanted happiness, I wanted love… we want it all, don’t we?
But in fact what I was going through was happiness itself, it was the moment, ‘n I ruined it ‘coz I wanted to live the palpitations ‘n the nerves ‘n the fear ‘n all those confused feelings, I wanted to fall in ‘love’ ‘n I did but I was too young at that time, too fragile… it’s probably the best ‘n worst thing I’ve ever done… do I regret it?
Well what does it mean to regret? How come a girl falls for someone this much ‘n this bad? How come life is terribly beautiful?
I know one thing: you might repulse me… the way that I can’t say to the sun: “more sun”, or to the rain: “less rain” then I can’t tell you: “love me”, it’s too much to ask, eih?
Besides, I guess you think that I’m not normal enough for you… but what does normal mean anyway?
What I’m writing might seem useless… I know… But what I want is… an answer from you, I want to know what’s wrong with me that you’re being so forbidding to me… I don’t want to keep living with this much regret ‘n despair… ‘n a response no matter how it is, might set me free ‘n allow me to live rather than waste my existence thinking about how much I want to turn back the clock and change a myriad of things that include falling for you ‘n being such a selfish fake person with you and with myself… but these things don’t happen, do they?
I really need an answer, I didn’t get one before and I’ve been stuck since that time… Arrivederci,